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Pointscoring For Men
Simple Duties:
You go out to buy her flowers. +5
But return with a case of beer. -5
You check out a suspicious noise at night. +5
You check out a suspicious noise at night and it's nothing. 0
You check out a suspicious noise at night and it's something. +10
You pummel it with a cricket bat. +20
It's her cat. -50
Social Engagements:
You stay by her side the entire party. +5
You stay by her side for 10 minutes, then leave to chat about VWs with a drinking
buddy. -5
Named Stephanie. -10
Stephanie is a goddess. -15
Stephanie has large breasts and a cherry 1967 Karmann Ghia with a Berg motor. -20
Saturday Afternoons:
You visit her parents. +5
You visit her parents and actually make conversation. +10
You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television. -10
And the television is off. -15
You spend the afternoon watching the V8 touring cars on TV in your underwear. -5
And it's not really your underwear. -10
Her Birthday:
You take her out to dinner. +5
You take her out to dinner and it's not at your local Leagues Club. +10
OK then, it is your local Leagues Club. -5
And it's All-You-Can-Eat night. -10
It's a Leagues Club, it's All-You-Can-Eat night, and you bump into ten other
blokes from Club Veedub out on the turps. -15
You give her a gift. +5
You give her a gift and it's a new set of metric spanners and socket kit. -10
You give her a gift and it's not anything to do with your Volkswagen. +10
You give her a gift and it's chocolate. +20
You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months. +30
You wait until the very last minute, then buy her a gift on the way home that
day. -10
From the only shop still open, the local 7-11. -20
With her credit card. -50
And it's something useful for your VW. -100
Thoughfulness:
You offer to wash her Hyundai. +5
You offer to pull out her engine and replace it with something decent. -10
You don't laugh when her Hyundai breaks. +10
You offer to pick her up at the bus station. +20
You forget to pick her up at the bus station. -25
Which is in Redfern. -35
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast. -50
A Night Out, Just The Two Of You:
You go to the latest Schwarzenegger movie. -5
You go to the latest Kevin Costner film. +5
You go to see a live comedian. +5
He's lewd, crude and sexist. -10
You laugh at his jokes. -20
You laugh until your sides ache. -30
She's not laughing at all. -40
Which makes you laugh harder. -50
Driving:
You take her for a long romantic drive +5
To a junkyard swapmeet in Oberon -5
You lose the directions on the trip. -10
You lose the directions and end up getting lost. -15
You end up getting lost somewhere in the back streets of Cabramatta. -20
Where your VW breaks down. -50
The local gangs arrive and she finds out you lied about having a black belt in
karate. -100
Communication:
You go for three sentences without mentioning your VW, tools or even cars in
general. +5
When she wants to talk, you listen, displaying a concerned expression. +20
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes. +25
You listen for more than 30 minutes, without looking at the television. +30
Because you've fallen asleep. -100
A Night Out With Your Mates:
You have a few beers. -5
For every beer after three: -5 for each.
And miss her curfew by an hour. -10
You get home at 4:00am. -20
Your mates drop you home at 4:00am then have a burnout competition on the street
in front of her bedroom window as they leave. -30
You get dropped home at 4:00am smelling of stale booze, cigarettes and vomit. -40
And not wearing any pants. -50
Is that perfume? -200
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